I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
