How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
