Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
