How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
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