is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
