New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
