Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Randomize
