I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
