Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
