Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
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