roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
