just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
