Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
Randomize
