She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
my sisters under your porch take her home
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
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