My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Randomize
