Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
