There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
