my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Randomize
