Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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