I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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