What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
