I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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