a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
