I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Randomize
