I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize
