he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
