Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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