i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
