i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
