Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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