the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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