I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
