No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Randomize
