the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Randomize
