She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
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