just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
