I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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