I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Randomize
