I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
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