I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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