I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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