Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
