Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Randomize
