i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
