Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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