Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
