dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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