i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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