i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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