Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize